FUCK THIS, I THINK I WILL TRY TO BE A TRI-ATHLETE.

fuck this, i think ill try to be a tri-athlete and run away from three things all at once with everyone cheering my name, encouraging me because i finally did something and me going further and further away from them and their voices getting smaller, softer and smaller, slowly being taken away by the wind.

“look at her go, i always said that she had it in her. she’d make a good solider.” ill run to the edge of the country, ill swim first to the bottom then, to some other piece of land. eventully i will sink to the ocean floor and from their i will cycle undetected underwater. my tire will pop. i will ride over a nail that small eurchents use to protect themselves with from tri-athletes. only then, while i freestyle to the surf, lie and die on the beach will i have been victorious because they’ll think im acheiving, while really, im sleeping on a beach.
yeah, i think thats the best way to get rid of everyone.
“well, i’ve just decided that being a tri-athlete is the best thing for me in this part of my life.”
“i just think thats wonderful, finally prioritizing ashley. thats wonderful.”
“yeah, i thought you’d think that.”
“do you need any money dear?”

I’M A LOSER BABY

so i have this rule, that i dont wake up before 12pm, and its motherfucking 830am and im not stoked about it. i cant sleep, ever really and i think i ate my last sleepers the other night after drugs and brandy.
also i just got a call from my girlffriend threatening my life, at 830 in the mothafucking morning telling me i have to hop a train out to the country to see her and our daughter, Tiana.
now that i got this damn phone, i can be found. 
my boyfriend gave me the finger on the el platform last night and took off, which i thought was adorable. 
my other girlfriend says that she wants to marry me in LA and have kids. and i slept with her 15 year old sister, Terri, two weeks ago and now she’s down the street in the New Jackson Hotel in Greektown
which has lights out on its sign and only reads as “NEW JACK HO”…
my dad’s into beastiality, my mothers a sober drunk. 
my little brothers type A genus, my older brother transports bodies in his trunk.
my dog is smarter than me, my two cats got more of a social life than me, as i sit on the stoop drinking, i watch pussy calls through out the block for them leisurely accepting and dismissing. im wanted by my roommates for $, lies and ignorance. they have rough sketches of what i use to look like in their bedrooms, incase when they do see me to snatch me quick for ransom/rent before i take off again owing them money, lies and ignorance. there was this little boy on the bus about three, i think he liked me and the bus driver let me get on with the quarter i didnt have to transfer. 854am.

HE HATES HIMSELF

 

windows are drawn for the sun to dawn

and when the morning dew spews

the rain consumes squares of fresh air

when boyfriends leave for new jersey forever

pleading to be clever and stays and cries

how the raindrops increase in size

and weight to ice the cake

of self haters and selfish manipulators

and waves still crash

mutants still science

and clouds ever glide

with strange fishing bedfellows unleashed

to abide

with a hunters pride.

wars of all the words that carry less than none crawling, beggin sun

ah ah ah to they and the trusts fronts

but when that wind hits the back of your neck, 
the chill comes and then
goosebumpss are well known like roses for valentines, 
hated and loved, 
desired and cherished through
shoe polish and selfish change. 

keep me in it close and
its deeper dirty and spite. 

creases in hair that i remember
only tack like that of antler stacks 
that bend back
like two floresent
thumb tacks.

bunny shoelaces do not ensue
like security of when the sky is blue, 
no more messes
i know what i want
to the courts gestures. 

give me those shitty tattoos
and similar sad blues
more is nothing when 
youre around
and keep the star safe soon

because they dance different in different parts
and dominican, ill take it
and lace it side the mexican garnish
, investment to harness.

fuck you ill take none/all.

in the land of hell there is only monogamy

in the land of hell there is only monogamy and there we rest our souls lost to a steel drivers foot, twisted on an acid test. we exist dreaming of demons in sweet satin dresses that line the floor as they guild with few or more recessions. the lace will trickle like slow saliva off droughted kittens, fed off goats milk in the desert with out a cloud in the sky. and maybe i am just like everybody else i tell him, whos cares, who gives a shit. the more i am like them, the less frets i create for those that intercipate something different, like i wont say stupid shit anymore that few/no one gets. its helps me to blend, soften the blows gentler.easy going.